True to form, I have been very, very bad at keeping this anywhere near what might resemble 'up-to-date'. For that, I am truly apologetic. I'm not even going to try to fill in the gaps since the last time I posted, it feels like a different lifetime.
Instead, I'll try and string a few thoughts together on how I feel about where I am now. This is easier said than done, as I really don't know for sure to begin with...
I went home to Belfast to visit last month, from the start of December right through to just after New Year. It was, to say the very least, odd to be back. My parents and sister were at the airport to welcome me back, and it was truly overwhelming to see them after nearly two years away. On arriving back in Moneyrea, I went up to see the new house they are working on, and Purry Mason was there - oh, man, I missed my kitty cuddles! After the haul over from Auckland, I was pretty wrecked, and I found this one of my more difficult bouts of jetlag. All the same, it was good to be back - on my first walk though town, I had this dirty great big grin on my face. I tried hard not to; you know you get some funny looks when you look happy whilst alone?
The first re-meeting with an old friend is always super exciting, so much to catch up on, old familiar rhythms of conversation to fall into... Getting back into synch with Belfast didn't take long. When I think of the trip, it feels like it's divided in two - the first 3 weeks or so, right up until the week before New Year I suppose, and the last chunk. This is largely to do with the fact that a number of family members died in quick succession - my Great Aunt Pat, my Grandad and then Purry Mason. And yes, cat = family.
This contributed a great deal to the diminishment of my sense of excitement at being back home. In fact, I got a bit reflective and introspective and really began to question where home is for me. Physically, it's just not Moneyrea, or Belfast any more. Of course, my family are always 'home' to me, but I can't help but feel like I don't belong there anymore, and it doesn't belong to me. By the same token, I also don't belong to NZ, nor it to me. This instills a very deep seeded, uneasy sort of feeling in me - limboish, sort of. At the same time, I feel like here in NZ is where I need to be - I am definitely not finished here yet!
It was hard to leave Belfast again, all the same. I reinforced some old friendships, while at the same time I felt forced to leave some behind that didn't live up to my expectations. Living so far away is kind of an acid test for these sorts of things...
I'm now totally focused on what is next for me here. I have already made the move from Auckland to Christchurch, but the eventual goal is to end up back in Queenstown - a place I felt pretty much instantly connected to more than any other place here. I made some really good friends there, and I am stupidly impatient to get back over. Unfortunately, I don't know when I'm going to make it just yet, as no-one seems to be able to tell me how long I'll be needed to work here in Chc. As long as its sooner rather than later. Now I've got a solid goal - a good friend is arriving in Queenstown on June 8th, largely after I encouraged him to take up his Working Holiday Visa. I'm delighted he is coming, it's going to be amazing to have him here and I'm looking forward to getting some season passes for the mountain and getting into boarding! I have to get there in time to get us a place sorted out. I'd leave here in a heartbeat if I could - no offense Christchurch, but my heart belongs elsewhere!
Other things of note:
- Last night in Aucks incl. party, dancing, S + M (hahaha not quite what it seems...)
- My Homeboys
- Linwood with J, S and the hens
- EPIC journey back from Belfast - 4 flights, 5 airports, 3 days (BFS-LGW-LHR-SIN-MLB-AKL)
- Amazon Kindle, genius.
- Some friends, you can kiss and feel OK about it. Others, you can't.
- Manuka Honey flavoured 42 Below Vodka. Waoow!
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